cages

"I'd rather be lonely. I'd rather be free..."

Right now there is $11,000 sitting in bank accounts that belong to me. It's college money and wedding money.
But how much interest do I have in college or marriage?
I'm sitting in my stupid lingerie outfit with a headache the size of a small impoverished nation, wondering how things worked out this way.
I remember the day I was proposed to, the horror of it. The only thing that kept me from bolting headlong from the car and sprinting down the darkened streets was him. But even that doesn't seem like enough anymore.
And the words, the pledge I made on the dock with shaking legs...
"Sure. I guess."
With vomit churning in my guts, with my throat closing, with my heart hammering frantic in my chest.
It all inspires me to terror. Wedding invitations, dresses, deadlines. I discuss them with the people involved, again longing to escape the room.
"Congratulations" Mozel-fucking toff.
People tell me I have cold feet.
My whole body is numb.
My heart is cold.
What can I do?
Do I walk down an aisle, sign some papers and carry-on?
Do I run away again? To find myself alone and unhappy?
Why is Jenny Lewis singing the same line to me over and over again?
"I'd rather be lonely, I'd rather be free..."

Yes Alec, it's another photo blog.

China Toy

This little toy camera is quite interesting. The Holga shoots 120 mm film, a larger format than the typical 35mm, yet it is constructed from plastic.

The reason I want one (desperately) is the unpredictable and surreal quality of the images it produces. Shooting with a Holga is a risk, the control over the settings that we get with digital cameras isn't there.
But the results?
Oh unexpected, lovely, creepy, flawed, beautiful.

It seems like photographers today are obsessed with the mechanics of photography and not the idea of photography. I am not obsessed with quality. I am obsessed with ideas, with feeling and emotion. I thrive on telling a story with a photo.

So, the Holga is on my wish list.
And if we ever move out of the shed, I'll make a darkroom.

Springtime yet again

Hana Haley: Part Two

http://nylonjuvenile.deviantart.com/

Go look at her gallery! She'll knock your socks off.
Also, she just did some work with Rosaline Crow. She is a model that I find extremely beautiful and hails from our very own Seattle, WA.
Ms. Crow's eyebrows are to die for.

A Dapper Date

I went shopping and spent $21.00 on this polka dotted dress from Target.

And $12.99 on this hat. (Also from Target.)
Interesting tidbit, this hat is constructed solely from paper...

Nick took me to Greater Years Park for our lunch picnic. It was a charming place, but rather small and shabby.

Those eyelashes? I got them from a small vintage shop in Portland. They are from the 60's and came in their original packaging.

I took pictures of Nick too, but he made Down's Syndrome faces and they weren't very palatable.

I feel that I look rather feisty and adventurous in this one.

Goodbye Greater Years Park.
I'll miss you.

Overtime

Today, I am working overtime. I learned many things this week.
A brief list:
1. Dayquil or "Daytime"(the cheap generic version) is best paired with Monster energy drinks.

2. Twelve hours passes very slowly when one is locked in a shed wearing lingerie.
I may add, being peered at by men who are either married to aging wives or who have no hope of being married to any wife.

3. Pulling weeds is not a restful pastime for a person's sole day off.

(However, Dayquil/Monster can be a great resource for pulling weeds on one's sole day off when that unfortunate person is suffering from an insidious disease/headcold.)

4. The sunrise is beautiful. One still hopes not to see it.

5. People/coworkers do not return kindnesses. Just because one sacrifices an entire Saturday to another, does not mean that the recipient of said Saturday will reciprocate favor.
Actually said person will refuse to come in for the paltry three hour shift that they were scheduled. Leaving you, sad overwrought employee to man the god damned place alone.
Don't be kind to these people. It gets you nowhere and they don't even appreciate it.

Yes these lessons and more.
Happy April folks.