I trespassed to take these photographs.
The calf's entrails had been sucked out, its tongue removed, and its eyes are gaping holes in a face that is reminiscent of Edvard Munch's painting "The Scream".
The dusty corpse was shoved in a corner among other moldering artifacts from years past.
Nick and I jumped the gate and started up the dirt road that lead to the farm with Haley holding her post by the Buick to thwart passerbys. The sun was beating down on my neck, to attempt this mission in broad daylight seemed foolish.
But we had seen the cow the day before when the gate was open and I needed a picture of it.
It seems strange to me now, I am normally meek and law abiding, but the idea of having a picture of that thing possessed me. I couldn't say, "Oh, the gate's closed. It's just a weird eviscerated corpse..not worth it."
For some reason, I needed a photograph. I was willing to risk arrest for it. Thoughts of Fox Mulder, my ultimate fictional hero, egged me on.
How many government facilities did he break into for evidence of extraterrestrials?
This was just an abandoned farmhouse. That happened to be very near a huge mental hospital.
I needed proof that I had seen this poor beast, killed to become a morbid decoration for a rotting barn.
So we set off up the lane, my heart thumping in my chest.
And that weekend I felt more alive than I have in at least a year.
Adrenaline pumped through my body, my hands clutched at my old 35mm camera, and I was terrified.
The crunching of Nick's flip-flops may as well have been gunshots, they echoed so loudly in my ears.
Every deserted building in the expansive farm housed demented genetic mutants with rifles and pitchforks.
A bird took off as we approached the building with the cow in it and I jumped, my heart pounding harder than I thought possible.
All the while I snapped of crooked photos of the surroundings with shaking hands.
A quiet dread came upon me as I took the last steps toward the cow...and then he was there... propped against farm equipment, howling a silent scream.
I couldn't even focus the camera.
And we ran back to the car, though I tried to walk. I flung myself over the bent metal gate and started my engine.
We lit cigarettes and drove away.
