Overtime

Today, I am working overtime. I learned many things this week.
A brief list:
1. Dayquil or "Daytime"(the cheap generic version) is best paired with Monster energy drinks.

2. Twelve hours passes very slowly when one is locked in a shed wearing lingerie.
I may add, being peered at by men who are either married to aging wives or who have no hope of being married to any wife.

3. Pulling weeds is not a restful pastime for a person's sole day off.

(However, Dayquil/Monster can be a great resource for pulling weeds on one's sole day off when that unfortunate person is suffering from an insidious disease/headcold.)

4. The sunrise is beautiful. One still hopes not to see it.

5. People/coworkers do not return kindnesses. Just because one sacrifices an entire Saturday to another, does not mean that the recipient of said Saturday will reciprocate favor.
Actually said person will refuse to come in for the paltry three hour shift that they were scheduled. Leaving you, sad overwrought employee to man the god damned place alone.
Don't be kind to these people. It gets you nowhere and they don't even appreciate it.

Yes these lessons and more.
Happy April folks.

Hana Haley

I visited Portland last weekend with my good friends. The reason for the trip was to meet up with some photographers that had contacted me for shoots.
I met Hana Haley, or (http://nylonjuvenile.deviantart.com/) and we collaborated on some awesome stuff.
She is such an inspiration. Her massive collection of cameras was impressive and her artistic vision even more so.
Here are some photos from our shoots:

A random conglomerate of photographs

Photoshoot with Miss Shepherd

Comfortably Numb

I crouch next to the poorly insulated door to my shed, searching for nothing on the vast internet. The cold creeps under and around the door, leaving me shivery and numb.
I can be more than this, right?
I mean, I'm more than halfway done with a novel. An interesting and thoughtful novel.
(In my opinion.)
I have written songs that rival ones I've heard on the radio. Lyrics that are haunting and well composed. (Also in my opinion.)
I've grown into a woman, no longer the ugly fashion retarded teenager of days past. I notice people watching me at school, and it isn't because I'm yelling, "Ewop!" or delivering candy hearts to a stranger, or skating around on cardboard, or hitting people with purses, or stealing frog testicles, or running around the football field smeared in fake blood.
I get jealous looks from girls and lustful ones from men. Believe me, it isn't my ego talking. I still don't have much of an ego.
It's strange to admit it, that I recognize my physical appeal. I've lived for so long afraid that my legs were swelling up and my stomach fat was exploding from my shirt. (Delusions, as I have never been overweight.) I lived my entire teenagerhood feeling either bland or hideous. But here I am, growing up. Realizing that I've been silly.
My father is turning my college account over to me. Cutting the cord. From here on out, I'm taking care of my tuition. He's giving me a lump sum to plan my wedding.
Next I'm getting kicked out of my rather small, but mostly free half a garage by the court.
So what's next? Rent? Car insurance? Phone bill? Mortgage?
Filling out my own taxes? Finally getting a job again?
I can't help myself, I'm terrified of growing up.
I don't want to get old and tired. I don't want to stop writing because I'm exhausted, because my "real" job is taking up the little energy that I have?
I'm a sloth.
I forget which deadly sin that is.
Deadly Sins that I am guilty of:
(And the demons associated with them)

1.Envy Leviathan

2.Sloth Belphegor

3.Lust Asmodeus

4.Pride Lucifer

5.Gluttony Beelzebub

At least I don't have a problem with wrath or greed.
Asmodeus is an interesting demon by the way. He loves Sarah, a human woman. He murders seven of her husbands before the marriages are consummated.
That's kind of romantic right?

Freedom

Rae helped me out last night with an impromptu demonic photoshoot.
I had put dark purple shadows under her eyes and colored chapped nude lips on her *and* though she was actually drooling on herself, I snapped this one where she looks quite lovely.
Sort of, trapped inside her own body, sparring with her demons...
Well, today I got home rather early because my class was canceled.
I was going to sit it out and go to Math 107, but I knocked my pop can and Shasta pepsi was soaking into everything. Me, the seat...
And I said,
"It is not my day today. I had better retire."
I returned home and accidentally let Bartholomew out. And accidentally didn't even notice that he had escaped.
It is an unusually sunny day for January (GLOBAL WARMING!) so I can't blame him really.
I discovered that he was gone, and ran outside.
There he was, sniffing my mother's dead African grasses and frolicking quite joyfully.
I didn't want to drag him back into the stuffy little studio, so instead I let Charlie out too, thinking that I could handle two at a time. Thinking that I would just let them have turns.
Bad idea.
Charlie kind of shrunk into himself and hid by the grasses.
Bartholomew was considering escaping the yard and venturing off. I could see it in his sharp yellow eyes.
I tried to capture him and let Firenze have a turn. Instead, all of them ran out and into the bushes.
Poor cats, they really are quite smart, but can any kitten resist the lure of a swashing stick?
Mine couldn't. I rounded them up and locked them safely away.

Then the sad part.
Charlie mewed pitifully at the door. Firenze joined. Bartholomew, normally so silent, also began to squeak sadly.
They pawed desperately at the front door, begging for freedom.
I had to ignore it.
Three unfixed male kittens who don't have their proper vaccinations can't go running off.
I still felt bad.
:[

I'm getting old...

Happy 2010.
I'm turning twenty this year. That blows my mind apart...Seriously, there are grey matter shrapnel bits all over my comforter.
I suppose in the spirit of this mighty drunken non-holiday I will make a few (late) New Year's resolutions.
1. Lose ten pounds
(yeah, we've been saying that for about six years now...)
2. Finish The Attack of the Chocolate Eaters illustrations.
3. Finish Mediocre.
4. Get my A.A
5. Buy a house
6. Get a job
7. Record "Forgive my Intrusion"
Boring stuff, I know.

Lately I've been modeling quite a bit for random photographers. It's actually pretty depressing stuff.
I feel like my soul is leaking out a little more with each snap of the camera shutter. I found a depressingly over saturated and blurry photo of myself on Craigslist today. What an honor. I made it to freaking Craiglist guys.
The ideas for shoots that are proposed to me are dull and inane. (Not always but often.)
I'm constantly reminded to look "sexy."
I've got news for me, I'm not sexy.
I might be attractive. Or quirky. Or even pretty...
But I am no flirty babe. Not even a little.
To top it all off? I get no monetary compensation for it all. Just awkwardness and mild humiliation.
I will just keep slugging away though. My goal is to use modeling to pay for cool trips. I'll have to have a pretty rock solid portfolio to pull that off. So I will take the drudgery from now on without complaint.
We are making great strides in music world. I've made up more songs, Nick and I can play together in harmony. (HAHA...pun)
School starts tomorrow. Let's hope Nick leaves me a few cigarettes so I can make it through.